Dirty Stops Out

Dj Trev’s guide to nights, sights and dizzy heights. And occasionally crushing lows. And OK bits in the middle.

THURSDAY 27th June

In the world of the legitimate arts, there is a play on at the Harrogate Theatre called “If, Buts & Babies”. It’s a play about having a baby. Now, I’m no rocket scientist, but if you want to have a baby, taking a woman to the theatre is a great way to practically guarantee the first and most important act at having a go at getting one. I love that part of it, but quite frankly why anyone would want to welcome a chubby, loud, snotty and demanding drain on their time and energy into their lives I just don’t know. I am already friends with Dj Pieman WINKEY SMILEE FACE!!

There is a band playing at the Alex tonight called Top Heavy… Top Heavy is a brilliant name for a band as generally people who like bands like boobies, so calling them to mind in your name is a stroke of genius. Perhaps I should change my name to Dj TrevNipple?

Dj TrevNipple is tonight playing at Rehab downstairs and it’s free to get in. Thursdays are quite good there but whilst Dj TrevNipple does have an awesome Dj name, most people tend to go upstairs to Dj Tex’s night Flex. Admittedly, Dj Tex doesn’t have as good a name as Dj TrevNipple, also he can’t run as fast or jump as high. But some people don’t seem top care about these things.

At Viper Rooms there is their regular Thursday night called Y.O.L.O. I know last week it was really busy and I also know that a lot of student types go there, but I don’t know if any of their Dj’s names are as rad as Dj TrevNipple so, think on…

The Blues Bars’ website is still a bit bonkers (I pointed this out on last weeks column, but clearly none or the SEVERAL THOUSANDS of well read individuals who peruse this column have mentioned it to them). Still, as best as I can work out, tonight there they have got the Birdman Rallies, who have got a really cool following in Harrogate so I think that will be a good gig.

FRIDAY 28th June

There’s loads on on Friday, to be fair, too much for me to pick just one TOP TIP, so my tip for the night is to go out and do SOMETHING, there is loads to choose from… But make sure you’ve got enough money to go out on Sunday, he said, whilst rubbing his hands together like a sinister Fagin-esque promoter of evil rock music.

Adam Graham is starting a live music session at The Empress on the Stray this Friday. I’ve seen Adam in a fair few bands and he’s good at that, so one would suspect he’ll be good at this too, plus the Empress is one of my more favoured pubs.

Sucker Punch rock night is on at Retro with Dj Dave Sowden playing the tunes, who is a very top lad, though regrettably he turned down my suggestion of changing his dj name to Dj DaveNipple. Some people.

There is a live session on at Zoso which is fairly heavy rock too, this week featuring Foul Mouthed Outburst, Audio Nightmare, Crave and the very excellent Book of Job. Dj cGi plays afterwards, his name is quite cool as it was invented by the multi talented Dj TrevNipple.

Another cool option, but at the dance end of the musical slidey thing, is a night on at Viper rooms called Knee Deep. It’s a house night with quality Dj’s including Kit Mason & Oli Hoges. It is also a “13 Records showcase”, which I presume is a record label rather than them only playing 13 records in a night. Also on Friday, Upstairs at Viper rooms they have Yo Preston doing an acoustic set. I mentioned Yo has got a gig in Leeds last week, but I’m not mentioning it again as people might think I am stalking him. Simply click my name somewhere above and read what I wrote last week about it, but bear in mind that whilst Yo IS an attractive man, I am very comfortable with the lifestyle I have chosen and in no way want to share a bath with him or anything.

Rehab still runs it’s regular Friday night club event that’s been going for a good few years now, it’s called Electro circus and features Dj’s Sam Moss & Jack Crowley, who are not only good dj’s but also quite attractive. But I don’t want to share a bath with them either. Why do you keep bringing baths up?

Moko Lounge has the “official after prom party” that apparently sells out every year, but being slightly too old to attend School proms without getting some manner of restraining order, I wouldn’t know.

By now I’m quite confused as to what is on at the Blues Bar, I think it’s a band called Poorboy, but until they work out the quantum headache that is their gig diary, I’m just gonna say the blues is a good bar, go there for some blues or something.

Revolution is also open for the hours of nightclubbing, I play a Revolution in Leeds, thus am contractually bound to say that they are super good.

SATURDAY 29th June

In a refreshing return to the conventional Gregorian calendar, the Blues Bar has got it’s web info sorted for Saturday and Slack Alice with the legendary Cliff Stocker are on the bill, who play “the best of British rhythm and blues”. I always wanted to be called “The Legendary Dj Trev” or even “The Legendary Dj TrevNipple” but it’s never happened, that is probably because unlike the Legendary Cliff Stocker, I have never had to descend to the nether world of niflhelm and singlehandedly destroy the evil Garmr in an epic battle, finally cleaving his head with one mighty blow from my sword “Serpent breath” and thus restoring order to the galaxy, which I think the Legendary Cliff Stocker did last Tuesday.

I return to my somewhat sporadic Saturday night occasional residency at The Den this week, the last few nights I’ve played there have been really good but I’ve not been in for like 3 weeks, because that’s the life of a hard working full time “professional DJ”, namely I spend as much time as possible drunk in a field, occasionally going some places to play a few records when it suits. Come down and stare in open mouthed wonder at how I still haven’t had to (managed to) get a proper job.

Pretty much everywhere else is business as usual for Saturday, which means you can go clubbing at clubs, pubbing at pubs or restauranting at restaurants. But don’t go mincing in Minsk unless you are prepared to make a commitment to a certain lifestyle choice. In which case by all means do, but wrap it before you tap it.

SUNDAY 30th June

The Port Brothers are playing The Blues Bar on Sunday afternoon, whilst in the evening they have Vibetown. I always say when I like a bands name, so in the interests of being fair and even handed, I have to say that the term “Vibetown” makes me think that they are like, a 90’s boy band playing songs that go all “Oooh baby baby, your hair is wavy lets make lots of gravy”. Though given that the Blues Bar is one of the hippest bars around this is somewhat unlikely.

The Fat Badger runs their pub quiz on Sundays, and in the world of clubbing, Viper Rooms has Peek-a-boo, but let’s face it, you are expecting me to plug my main concern on Sunday, which is my night Bottom of the Bottle. And I’m happy to oblige. This is the punk and metal night I run around about once a month and this one is our “Princess and Pirate Party” , always one of the better parties of the year, involving supermega-awesome people dressing up as Pirates (or occasionally princesses) and saying ”ARR mi hearties“ (or what ever princesses say, erm,“I am a princess, out of my way!”). We have 3 or 4 bands playing. I know for someone who is running the night this sounds like a very “approximate” figure but I’ve had that many line up changes so far that if I put any more tip-ex on the posters they will chemically re-animate and start attacking people, which would be frankly bizarre. Still, as we go to press, the line up is like this: Doors open 8.30pm with the first band on stage at 9 – Stone Cold Kill, who are a new young heavy metal crew. After them it’s Your Illuminations, who come from Ripon and have a very good buzz about them. Then we have York’s Us Amongst the Rest who are a brilliant party rock outfit and finally around about 11pm Summer City play their Pop punk anthemy tunes with planty of rave and dubstep type production. After that the party goes on until 3am and all this is FREE to get in, plus there’s drinks offers on all night. I can’t pretend to be unbiased on this, I love Bottom of the Bottle and really hope you come. And just think, the more you support my nights, the sooner I can retire and let someone who actually has writing ability do this column instead.

MONDAY 1st July

On Monday, after a full day of hearing people say “eeh, it’s July already, can you believe it?” I would imagine you’ll be ready for a beer, so here’s what’s on:

Zoso have Tom Kellet’s open mic night and Pete Oliver likewise presents an open-mic at The Blues Bar.

Up at the Alexander, Dj Pieman’s Pub Quiz is on every Monday, I’m told that currently the “Money Shot” is at £243… I presume this is some kind of rollover jackpot, given a slightly risque name in an “oo-er missus” style, which is totally not the kind of joke I would ever do.

Finally if you want to hold something that is about 6 inches long in your hand up to your face, Moko has their Monday night Karaoki on, as long as you can keep it up.

TUESDAY 2nd July

At The Blues Bar on Tuesday is a person playing who I feel’s name needs to be written in block capitals, not because I know anything about him, but because I think it is a really powerful sounding name, check it out : DERRIN NEAUENDORF. Grrrrr!

Every Tuesday I tell you the following: There is the Folk night at the Tap n’ Spile every Tuesday, but if you couldn’t give a folk about that, at the club end of the spectrum Moko has a night on with two rooms, one with Jay Selway’s Rock Box and the other with a really good commercial DJ doing good upfront stuff. I didn’t see who it was playing when I was in there but both rooms were playing good stuff. Jay also runs Rock Box pub night at the Regency.

The Electro Jam continues at Zoso on Tuesdays and is a nice night out. They seem to rotate the Djs more often now so if you don’t like what one jock is doing you don’t have to wait long for another to be on. Hardcore Dave plays some hardcore too, which is something you don’t get enough of in Harrogate, so mad props to him and all the Harrogate Hardcrew. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again.

WEDNESDAYS 3rd July

Rehab is the only club open on Wednesdays and has Dj Pieman playing up for it party tunes for people who are up for a party, whilst people who fancy a bit of swearing and blues can go and see Paul Middleton’s Angst Band at The Blues Bar. Just around the corner, and one suspects slightly different, at Betties there is something called “I could Murder a Fat Rascal” I have literally no idea what it is, but I like fat rascals, so if anyone wants to send me one for this brilliant piece of coverage, I will reluctantly accept. And some jam. And Cream. But don’t just put it through my letter box.

SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION

I do a DJ on Harrogatealternativeradio.co.uk on Saturdays 10pm to midnight and get repeated on Thursdays at 2pm, and if you are “busy mate” for both of those, you can either listen to them again online at mixcloud.com/djtrevuk, or come up with a really good excuse like “my internet is not working”, whilst bearing in mind, in at least one case recently, we had JUST been discussing something we’d both seen online. So get your story straight before pretending you like me as a DJ and/or person.

I do swear a bit on my show, plus I swear like the very blazes on facebook.com/djtrev so don’t bother checking them out, which, lets face it, you weren’t planning on doing anyway. I suspect your internet is broken yeah?

Thanks for reading, drink responsibly and don’t be loose with your affections.

Trev x x x