TWO WEEK Special Edition, twice as long, twice as rubbish.
Tonight there is a VIKING PARADE going through town. Let’s face it, nothing else I write is going to seem as anywhere near cool as this now is it? An actual VIKING PARADE!
It is to do with the Historical Writing Festival that is on this weekend. There are a bunch of events on but I’m not talking you through all of them, check http://harrogateinternationalfestivals.com/history/ for stuff, but the launch of it is tonight and YES indeed THE VIKING PARADE goes from the International Festival office on Cheltenham Parade up to The Old Swan Hotel, where they are having the Historical Writing awards. This is something that is ACTUALLY proper thrilling for me as Bernard Cornwell, or to give him his proper title The Sainted, Knight of The Garter, Lord and Protector Sir Bernard of the Cornwell is going to be there. Basically, he is god. If you have never read one of his books you are wasting your life. I’m not kidding. I’d recommend starting with the Arthur Series (Winter King, Enemy of God and Excalibur, though I’m not sure if I put them in the right order, I’m not going to check all the way up in my bedroom, which is where I keep them, so they are close in case of calamity) and then move on to, er, lets say: everything he’s ever written. When I started DJing I wanted to be like Westbam, Sven Vath or Carl Cox… now I’m trying to write I want to be like him. I suspect I’ll have as much success at this pursuit as with the DJing so am optimistic I may end up the kind of writer who gets his stuff published on local news websites. Anyway, the TORCH-LIT VIKING PROCESSION (I know, torch lit, it gets better dunnit?) is apparently is going to go all around town, so I’m gonna loiter from about 7pm as I have literally nothing else better to do with my time. My close showbiz contacts (the woman who answered the phone at the festival office) tells me the parade will finish at the Swan Hotel at quarter to 8. I sort of want to go dressed as a Viking but am not sure if that is allowed, anyone knows please let me know via facebook, as the only other way I can think to communicate with Vikings is through the runes, those damn heathens that they are. Be WARNED, ladies in particular, if I DO get dressed up as a Viking you are almost certainly in danger, as them Vikings got up to some riiiight stuff didn’t they? Some historians would have it that Vikings were like just the latter day equivalent of a bunch of Laaaaaaddds cruising around in their XR2-souped up-Longships going “Lads lads lads O’right darlin’ You’re giving my Helmet the right HORN innit?” but realistically I suspect Vikings were probably proper dicks. As opposed to you know, slii-ight dicks like what Laaaads are. I seem to have strayed somewhat from the topic of meticulously researched historical fiction here and got bogged down with the ungentlemanly conduct of heathens, which leads me nicely to…
Being that now we are all mostly heathen infidels on the highway to Hell in a handcart there are loads of Hallowe’en type events starting this week and going all the way through to All Hallows eve and beyond. So let’s discuss those shall we? Yes, lets:
DID YOU KNOW that there is a shop in Knaresborough called Practical Magik? GOOD LORD jesus must be spinning in his grave to know that people are up to such nefarious practices like tarot cards, and water dowsing and buying hem dream catcher things. On Halloween Day they have got some manner or celebration going on. Or you can stay at home with the doors locked, praying for all the damned. Your choice no pressure.
Back to this week however, the Geek Pub Quiz is on tomorrow night, at Retro Bar. I though I had managed to secure the first Hallowe’en Event with Bottom of the Bottle on Sunday, but not, they have pipped me to it by two days. I think it is Zombie themed tonight, which is also the loose theme of Bottom of the Bottle, forbye essentially the same kind of sexy geeky amazing people go to the quiz as go to my night…. So what I’m saying is it will be cool, and also subtly suggesting that my night will be too. Clever yeah? I would turn up early for the Geek Pub quiz to avoid disappointment, and for Bottom of the Bottle to guarantee it.
Last week there was a preposterous article circling the interweb about how all girls who have tattoos are damaged beyond repair. Honestly, the piece is so bad that it deserves nothing but contempt, but what it does NOT deserve is people sharing it, as those type of terrible websites make money from any traffic they generate. Speaking as someone who is planning to have my own terrible website up and running shortly this is a fascinating idea, but really I don’t want to mention that crappy article OTHER than the fact that loads of awesome irreparably damaged people will hitting the town this weekend as there is a Tattoo Convention at the international centre. This is great cos there is something about tattooed people that makes everyone feel sexy. You will have noticed this, if you have seen my facebook profile pictures. Unless you are one of them people who goes “are they tattoos, they look like felt tip?” which is kind of the idea, but the other, more important idea, is to make you feel warm in your pants and make bad choices with your affections. Call me?
So yeah the tattoo convention hits town from the 24th to the 26th, which suits me because on the closing night, Sunday 26th I’ve got my Bottom of the Bottle Hallowe’en Party to which I have already alluded. I’m going to tell you about Bottom of the Bottle now to get it out of the way: Seeing as I hardly do any work in Harrogate these days I really hope that this is a good night cos there are 5 smashing bands on, and if I’m honest if the Hallowe’en Party is quiet, when there is a tattoo convention in town, it’s probably time for me to stop running it, and retire to live in some kind of improvised cave dwelling. I don’t really want to stop and I really don’t want to live in a cave, so I’m hoping this will be nice and busy. It starts at 9pm and is £3 to get in, and there are decent drinks offers all night.
Another thing I’m involved in, other than my obvious self involvement, is “Frightfest” which is the day after Hallowe’en, down Knaresbrouogh way at Henshaws Arts and Crafts Centre. This is a full day of live music with all proceeds going to Henshaws Society for the Blind, there’s a load of bands, plus food and- perhaps more importantly given the amount of guitar swinging heroes there will be there – drinks to be bought and enjoyed responsibly. I had a great time last year and whilst I’ll have to leave to go do my paid job around about 7 before the serious damage gets done, this will be a blast. It kicks off at 12 noon NEXT Saturday the 1st of November.
You may now be thinking “woh, why the very devil is he writing about next week, this week?” Or you may be thinking “this is crap, I’m off to find that video of the monkey weeing in his own mouth” which seems more likely; that notwithstanding I am going to persevere and trust you said the former as it makes me feel better about my efforts. The reason I’m writing about next week is because ima try cover both this week AND next week, because next week I won’t be writing one of these columns. That is not – as you may suspect – because I am a lazy work shy badmash, but because I am IN FACT incredibly benevolent and next week I am doing 3 (T.H.R.E.E.) full days of work for Charidee. As I mentioned I’m playing the Frightfest at Henshaws on Saturday the 1st, but on the Thursday and Friday before (30th and 31st October respectively) I am doing that thing I do where I sit in Oxfam Bookshops window to raise money for Mosquito nets or something. I’m still not overly sure how me sitting in a window raises money for anything, but it beats stopping drinking for a month and proclaiming myself to be the greatest living hero in American history. Last time I done it we raised something in the region of several mosquito nets. This time I’m going to be – obviously – going with a hallowe’en theme and will be playing the interactive video board game “Atmosphere”. I’ve got a couple of mates coming down to help me too, but if you fancy putting on Hallowee’n costumage and coming to do it for a bit with me I would probably allow you, if you are an hot girl, for example.
If you’d like something to listen to for half an hour or so, sort of radio show “Harrogate Noise” returns after a bit of a sabbatical, which is a podcast put together by some local muso’s and they talk about local music, natch. The Shades, who are one of my favored bands in these parts are guest hosts. I’m currently waiting for them to play a Shades tune as I hope it’s the one about a girl. It’s magic. The show is a decent affair but I wish they’d play the full songs instead of just clips! Still, they talk me up again though, so I’ll let it slide. https://soundcloud.com/harrogate-noise/podcast-3-broken-women-shady-ordeals-riff-heaven.
House Watch
The very popular Knee Deep returns on Friday 31st – actually ON Hallowe’en night, to Moko Lounge. The have Him Self Her playing who is a very cool smoke on the scene, with support from Denny. Add to that the fact that their residents are all well good jocks too, this night is going strong and has been for a while and that is the reason! Tickets are £7, if you are into this kind of music, it’s worth it. They have just released their Winter season dates, which shows that they are somewhat more organised than myself (I’m still trying to decide when Christmas is going to be this year) and they have got nights on Friday the 28th November and then their annual boxing day special on – would you believe – boxing day. I’m looking forward to seeing who they have playing that one as they had a mad decent line up for it last year.
There is another House night on in town on Friday 31st. It’s at Rift & Co. and is called “Sleepin’ is Cheatin’”. I’m not really sure what they do but the Djs playing, Tom Zanetti & Alex Simmons, are quality Djs. I think it is going to be a bit more electro & Jackin’ House, it looks pretty cool. Given that it is on Halloween I actually think every where will be busy that night as it sort of sends people nuts a bit doesn’t it. Like what my profile pictures do on the facebook.
Crap Quiz Watch
I’ve got my quizzle night at The Den on Thursday 6th November. I said I was only going to preview the next two weeks as theoretically I will be writing another preview before then, however it is my birthday that week so I will almost certainly (absolutely certainly) only write this column on the Friday. Anyway, I’ve not really talked about myself for a couple of paragraphs, and if I’m not talking about myself it always feels as I am just lip syncing. I also sometimes thing that other people are made of cardboard, and I really like to harm animals, but that’s normal right? If not, when I am President of America I will make it normal.
As, literally, always, The Blues Bar has a diverse range of live music, with bands playing every night over hallowe’en. The best line up for me is actually on Sunday 2nd November, when they have got Matt Woosey on at 3pm, the hauntingly beautiful Dragon Fly Tattoo at 6pm & the wacky bakky mattty Matt Goldberg Band at 9pm. Also on Tuesday 4th they have Alister’s Theory playing there who played at FEVA in The Park in Knaresborough with me this summer past and they are a really cool band, well worth checking out.
Someway before then, on Friday night Impyus are playing at The Den with the Violets. I’m told last time they played there they smashed it (old people, don’t worry, that doesn’t mean they broke it to bits in a mad cap manner hurling things around in an uncontrolled frenzy of destruction, it means “they was good like”) so that will be worth checking out.
Obviously over Hallween ACTUAL weekend there are loads of things on, so see the specially extended 2 week reeeemix of listings below, but I want to mention The Regency Pub, cos I rarely do and they do put some interesting things on there. They have a couple of things on over Halloween, on the Friday they have Dj Muggy’s leaving do, whilst on The Saturday Maisey Martini is there with a night of Burlesque! They have done it out a bit in there too, it looks like it is going down the “rock pub” route which is a good thing and I gather that’s where “those types” hang out. Don’t worry, “Those types” are just people who listen to better music than most people.
Right then, so here are the listings for the next few weeks… Have yourself a very merry Hallowe’en and hopefully I’ll see you at Bottom of the Bottle this Sunday, peradventure Frightfest at Henshaws or mebs when I’m sat in that window doing that thing.
Wherever I see you the answer is always “yes, I’d love a latte”. I really wish my writing was good enough to dedicate it to someone, as I would dedicate this column to my friend Charlotte who died recently. She gave me latte’s and was brilliant. She was a real individual and it was really always geniunely good to see her. I think that is something we can strive to be like.
Have a good couple of week’s and make sure you do something you will enjoy:
Thursday 23rd October
Blues Bar, live music from The Phil Dean Trio.
Christies Pub, Sean McGrath’s Pub quiz.
Viper Rooms “YOLO” R’n’B studenty night.
Lure “Thirsty Thursdays”, house & beats with Dj Scuba.
Rehab “Flex” Upfront R’n’B & Party.
FRIDAY 24th October
The Den, Impyus & the Violets Live.
Moko Lounge, #Fridays.
Blue Bar, Blind Dead McJones, free entry.
Lure Bar, Shuffle with Toby Skinner. House, Breaks & Funk.
Rehab Nightclub, “Electro Circus” dance Night. Free entry.
SATURDAY 25th October
St. Luke’s Church, fundraising Jumble Sale for Fighting Epondymoma.
Harefileds Hall, “Scarefest” with Set Sails, Bar Sterwards of Val Doonican and more. Tickets £20.
Blues Bar, The Jed Thomas Blues Band.
Rift & Co. Bar, front bar Dj Tex (Soul & R’n’B), main room Disco Dave (upfront dance and chart) free entry.
Viper Rooms, Angel Lee & Neil Jaques upstairs, Harvey Westwood Downstairs. Door charge applies, or contact the venue for guest list before 11pm.
Moko Lounge, Drop Out house night. Door charge applies, or contact the venue for guest list before 11pm.
Rehab nightclub, two floors of music: Top Floor : Max Czernic Pop Punk 10pm ‘til 4am.Downstairs: Doors open 8pm with Pop & Dance music from Djs Wayne & James. Free entry.
SUNDAY 26th October
Blues Bar, live all day: Deke Rivers and The Jitters 3pm, Aaron Bertenshaw 6pm & Selby Green at 9pm.
Viper Rooms. Peek-a-Boo R’n’B night.
Hales Pub, live acoustic night.
Fat Badger, Cold Bath Road, Pub Quiz.
MONDAY 27th October
The Harlow Inn, Otley road, Pub Quiz.
So! Bar, Otley Road, Pub Quiz.
Rehab, late bar.
Blues Bar, fully hosted fully entertaining open mic session, hosted by Pete Oliver.
Moko Lounge nightclub, Karaoke.
TUESDAY 28th October
The Blues Bar, acoustic sessions, Free entry.
The Tap n’ Spile pub, folk night.
Pitcher & Piano Re:Session cheap drinks night.
Rehab nightclub, Dj Max Czernic.
Moko Lounge Nightclub, “Skint” main room upfront dance and electro, VIP Room Rock Box Rock night Dj Jaye Selway.
Rift & Co. Bar, “Back to Rev’s” House Night, Half Price Drinks with Toby Skinner & Steve “Scuba”.
Coach and Horses Pie and Peas night with proceeds to Martin’s House Children’s Hospice.
WEDNESDAY 29th October
The Harlow Pub “Midweek Madness” pub quiz with Dj Tim Paul.
The Regency Pub, big screen quiz.
Rehab nightclub, Dj Max Czernic. Anything goes party set with Harrogate’s next big hair.
The Blues Bar, live music from the Paul Middleton Angst band .
WEEK TWO
Thursday 30th October
Oxfam Book Shop, Oxford Rd. Dj Trev & Friends dressed up as Halloween idiots sitting in a window like idiots.
Curzon Theatre, Ripon. The Geek Movie Quiz.
Blues Bar, live music from Stax
Christies Pub, Sean McGrath’s Pub quiz.
Viper Rooms “YOLO” R’n’B studenty night.
Lure “Thirsty Thursdays”, house & beats with Dj Scuba.
Rehab “Flex” Upfront R’n’B & Party.
FRIDAY 31st October – Rather than writing “Hallowe’en Party” after everything, please can you just assume it is.
Oxfam Book Shop, Oxford Rd. Dj Trev & Friends dressed up as Halloween idiots sitting in a window like idiots.
Practical Magik in Knaresborough Halloween Day. Witchcraft I tells ye!
The Regency, Dj Muggy’s leaving do.
Moko Lounge, Knee Deep Deep House Night with Him/self/her.
Rift & Co. Sleepin’ Is Cheatin’ Jackin’ House night with Tom Zanetti & Alex Simmons.
Blue Bar, A Tribute to The Stones.
Lure Bar, Shuffle with Toby Skinner. House, Breaks & Funk.
Rehab Nightclub, “Electro Circus” dance Night. Free entry.
SATURDAY 1st November
Henshaws arts & Crafts Centre, Knaresborough. Frightfest, Bands all Day across numerous stages, with Children’s activities and Hot & Cold Refreshments.
The Regency Pub, Burlesque Night with Maisey Martini & Friends.
Blues Bar, The Jed Thomas Blues Band.
Rift & Co. Bar, front bar Dj Tex (Soul & R’n’B), main room Disco Dave (upfront dance and chart) free entry.
Viper Rooms, Angel Lee & Neil Jaques upstairs, Harvey Westwood Downstairs. Door charge applies, or contact the venue for guest list before 11pm.
Moko Lounge, Drop Out house night. Door charges applies, or contact the venue for guest list before 11pm.
Rehab nightclub, two floors of music: Top Floor : Max Czernic Pop Punk 10pm ‘til 4am.Downstairs: Doors open 8pm with Pop & Dance music from Djs Wayne & James. Free entry.
SUNDAY 2nd November
Blues Bar, live all day: Matt Woosey 3pm, Dragon Fly Tattoo 6pm & the Matt Goldberg Band at 9pm.
Viper Rooms. Peek-a-Boo R’n’B night.
Hales Pub, live acoustic night.
Fat Badger, Cold Bath Road, Pub Quiz.
MONDAY 3rd November
The Harlow Inn, Otley road, Pub Quiz.
So! Bar, Otley Road, Pub Quiz.
Blues Bar, fully hosted fully entertaining open mic session, hosted by Pete Oliver.
Moko Lounge nightclub, Karaoke.
TUESDAY 4th November
The Blues Bar, Alister’s Theory. Free entry.
The Tap n’ Spile pub, folk night.
Pitcher & Piano Re:Session cheap drinks night.
Rehab nightclub, Dj Max Czernic.
Moko Lounge Nightclub, “Skint” main room upfront dance and electro, VIP Room Rock Box Rock night Dj Jaye Selway.
Rift & Co. Bar, “Back to Rev’s” House Night, Half Price Drinks with Toby Skinner & Steve “Scuba”.
Coach and Horses Pie and Peas night with proceeds to Martin’s House Children’s Hospice.
WEDNESDAY 5th November
The Harlow Pub “Midweek Madness” pub quiz with Dj Tim Paul.
The Regency Pub, big screen quiz.
Rehab nightclub, Dj Max Czernic. Anything goes party set with Harrogate’s next big hair.
The Blues Bar, live music from the Paul Middleton Angst band .
Thanks for reading, drink responsibly and don’t be loose with your affections. Enjoy yourself!
Trev x x x
